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New, nervous, and confused - Kimber - 02-15-2021

In the last few months the desire to "look pretty" has built up to a new uncontrollable level. It's always been there, but way back there, but suddenly I just have to get some clothes and I immediately went down the rabbit hole. I have ordered almost everything and am giddy with anticipation for it to show up. The tricky part is that I'm nearly 50, overweight, married, and kids at home. I am nowhere near ready to talk with my wife, as I've never even actually dressed yet. My real question is, am I likely to lose this feeling as quickly as it hit? Am I in for a Rollercoaster of emotion? Anyone else gone through similar that can lend advice?

RE: New, nervous, and confused - CanuckGirl - 02-15-2021

Well, Kimber that's a difficult question to answer. I'll give you my take on it.
First, this is usually something which is inside us from a young age, often we don't realize it though. I know I didn't. There are some who are truly trans gender and always feel they have been in the wrong body, but that's not me. I do have a definite feminine personality who has made her presence known even more in the last few years. I have always dressed up in lingerie from time to time since I was about 12, but as far back as the 90's I'd thought about doing more. The whole nine yards as it were. Nice clothes, makeup, even going out, but I kept a lid on that desire, and still just dressed up from time to time, slowly getting more things. But really not that much stuff.
Through this my wife knew about my little fetish(?), but then 2-3 years ago when I had something like you have described, I suddenly went whole hog, and like you down the rabbit hole in a big way. For reference, I'm in my mid 60's.
She had to come to grips with that, took a bit of time, but she is good with it now, and helps me shop, and with those pesky long back zippers too!

Also, so many of us go through purges. We buy a lot of clothes, shoes, etc., then decide to give it up, sometimes due to outside pressures like from a spouse, other times out of guilt, etc. Then throw it all away! Later on "she" is back, even stronger now and then the buying spree happens all over again, but usually more than ever before.
This is sometimes called the "pink fog", and it seems to wax and wane in many of us too.

I have never really done a purge, because I never really got as far into this as I wanted to, back then.

So it was quite scary and troubling as I felt myself being drawn further and further into being femme. At this point I have a balance and have made peace with my male and female sides. Mostly anyway. I want to be more open about this, and am no longer ashamed of it, like this is a dirty little secret to be hidden.

The other thing is that this need seems to get stronger as we age, whether it is due to hormone changes in out body, or what I have never heard a good explanation.

Sharing with a wife is difficult. Some women seem to be able to embrace us when we show our feminine side, others can't seem to handle it at all. One way is to watch a movie, or somehow bring gender fluid people into a conversation and she how she reacts. This might be a bit premature for you, as you said you haven't even dressed up yet. The other thing is that wives will often assume you are suddenly gay, or at least bi, as that is image crossdressing men have in popular culture. For sure some are, but so many others are still their hetro self, and if you fall into that catagory, you need to make sure she understands that.
Like I said, you might not be ready for that.

See how you feel when you get your clothes. Some of us get hghly aroused wearing women's clothes, others don't. You might feel a sense of peace and contenment when dressed up that you have never felt before, some feel a lot of guilt after satisfying oneself. We are all taught that "boys don't wear girls clothes", or something like that, so it takes a lot of re-conditioning to get over that.
There are no real hard and fast rules, which makes it difficult, as we are all a bit different, and our relationships are all unique too.
I hope your new purchases work out well for you!
Any questions, just ask me.
Hope this helps.

RE: New, nervous, and confused - Kimber - 02-15-2021

Amy, thank you for the insights. It helps to know there are similar out there. I'll definitely check back I. When all my stuff arrives (gaff, stockings, garter, binder, bra, wig, dress, skirt, robe....told ya I went crazy shopping). I'll hopefully post a pic too if I'm not too self conscious of my weight in the petty clothes


RE: New, nervous, and confused - CanuckGirl - 02-15-2021

Sure that would be cool to see you. There have been some issues posting pictures here, supposed to be resolved.
You are definitely not alone. That was one issue I had years ago, long before the internet, was that I felt there had to be something wrong with me.

RE: New, nervous, and confused - boots66 - 02-16-2021

Hello, Kimber. I am in a similar situation as you. My desire to do this started a couple years ago by just trying on a pair of panties, and was shocked as to how hard the hook set. This last spring, I started buying panties, corsets, bras, breast forms, and boots. I am 54, married with no kids. In my case, I have no doubt if my wife ever found out, my marriage would be over. I was able to gauge her reaction by tuning in to Rupaul's drag race one evening for a few minutes, joking "look, drag racing" as if it were the quarter mile car races (I'm a gear head and love the NHRA races). Her comments made it quite clear, not hateful, but would never understand. We love each other very much, so I keep myself closeted, either when she is working, or when I work out of town, and never involve anyone else. No matter what, I will never cheat on her. The only guilt I have felt, so far, is hiding this from my wife. There is nothing wrong with what we do. The only label I have ever given myself is "me", and where that ends up is anybody's guess. The desire to dress comes and goes, but seems to never fully leave. I enjoy both sides of me. I love being a guy pulling wrenches on my trucks, but also enjoy dressing up on occasion. Ironically, I feel it has made me a better man. The one person I can never tell even mentioned that I seem more relaxed recently. I am better able to empathize with women. You are not alone. Live your life the best you can.

RE: New, nervous, and confused - Tami - 02-16-2021

Kimber, Amy's words are worth their weight in gold for someone starting down this road.
Ask us lots of questions!

RE: New, nervous, and confused - Kimber - 02-16-2021

I'm so new I don't even know what to ask, hahahaha. Just wish there was a store like Janets close by to look at stuff and talk to them.

RE: New, nervous, and confused - Bernice - 02-16-2021

Amy, Boots, and Tami all said it better than I could, I was in the closet for over 60 years until my wife passed away last year.
Best of luck to you,

RE: New, nervous, and confused - JodieLynne - 02-17-2021


Not to be judgmental, but could it be that this is a 'kink' you are wishing to explore?

I am directly quoting you here: "It's always been there, but way back there" and also this: "as I've never even actually dressed yet."

Have you EVER worn feminine clothing?

RE: New, nervous, and confused - Kimber - 02-17-2021

(02-17-2021, 03:23 AM)JodieLynne Wrote:


Not to be judgmental, but could it be that this is a 'kink' you are wishing to explore?

I am directly quoting you here: "It's always been there, but way back there" and also this: "as I've never even actually dressed yet."

Have you EVER worn feminine clothing?

I haven't, yet.... I do have some pseudo feminine items but nothing that is truly feminine. My wife is significantly smaller than I am, otherwise I'm 100% sure I would have been trying her stuff on. Not sure if you call this a "kink" as you said, or what, but either way I've always, in some way, looked at womens clothes and thought that they would feel so pretty to wear. My order arrives in another day... and then I guess I'll be able to answer this differently.